Friday, April 24, 2009

Chetan Bhagat @ Pune Symbosis

Thanks to Ramanan uncle for sharing this speech.
Earlier, in this blog, I've written an honest review about Mr Bhagat's latest book. That still holds true.
But this speech really makes a lot of sense. Fabulous!!

Thanks Chetan. You're a fabulous speaker!

Good Morning everyone and thank you for giving me this chance to speak to you. This day is about you. You, who have come to this college, leaving the comfort of your homes (or in some cases discomfort), to become something in your life. I am sure you are excited. There are few days in human life when one is truly elated. The first day in college is one of them. When you were getting ready today, you felt a tingling in your stomach. What would the auditorium be like, what would the teachers be like, who are my new classmates - there is so much to be curious about. I call this excitement, the spark within you that makes you feel truly alive today. Today I am going to talk about keeping the spark shining. Or to put it another way, how to be happy most, if not all the time.
Where do these sparks start? I think we are born with them. My 3-year old twin boys have a million sparks. A little Spiderman toy can make them jump on the bed. They get thrills from creaky swings in the park. A story from daddy gets them excited. They do a daily countdown for birthday party â€" several months in advance â€" just for the day they will cut their own birthday cake.
I see students like you, and I still see some sparks. But when I see older people, the spark is difficult to find. That means as we age, the spark fades. People whose spark has faded too much are dull, dejected, aimless and bitter. Remember Kareena in the first half of Jab We Met vs the second half? That is what happens when the spark is lost. So how to save the spark?
Imagine the spark to be a lamp's flame. The first aspect is nurturing - to give your spark the fuel, continuously. The second is to guard against storms.
To nurture, always have goals. It is human nature to strive, improve and achieve full potential. In fact, that is success. It is what is possible for you. It isn't any external measure - a certain cost to company pay package, a particular car or house.
Most of us are from middle class families. To us, having material landmarks is success and rightly so. When you have grown up where money constraints force everyday choices, financial freedom is a big achievement. But it isn't the purpose of life. If that was the case, Mr. Ambani would not show up for work. Shah Rukh Khan would stay at home and not dance anymore. Steve Jobs won't be working hard to make a better iPhone, as he sold Pixar for billions of dollars already. Why do they do it? What makes them come to work everyday? They do it because it makes them happy. They do it because it makes them feel alive. Just getting better from current level s feels good. If you study hard, you can improve your rank. If you make an effort to interact with people, you will do better in interviews. If you practice, your cricket will get better. You may also know that you cannot become Tendulkar, yet. But you can get to the next level. Striving for that next level is important.
Nature designed with a random set of genes and circumstances in which we were born. To be happy, we have to accept it and make the most of nature's design. Are you? Goals will help you do that. I must add, don't just have career or academic goals. Set goals to give you a balanced, successful life. I use the word balanced before successful. Balanced means ensuring your health, relationships, mental peace are all in good order.
Ther e is no point of getting a promotion on the day of your breakup. There is no fun in driving a car if your back hurts. Shopping is not enjoyable if your mind is full of tensions.
You must have read some quotes - Life is a tough race, it is a marathon or whatever. No, from what I have seen so far, life is one of those races in nursery school, where you have to run with a marble in a spoon kept in your mouth. If the marble falls, there is no point coming first. Same with life, where health and relationships are the marble. Your striving is only worth it if there is harmony in your life. Else, you may achieve the success, but this spark, this feeling of being excited and alive, will start to die.
One last thing about nurturing the spark - don't take life seriously. One of my yoga teachers used to make students laugh during classes. One student asked him if these jokes would take away something from the yoga practice. The teacher said - don't be serious, be sincere. This quote has defined my work ever since. Whether its my writing, my job, my relationships or any of my goals. I get thousands of opinions on my writing everyday. There is heaps of praise, there is intense criticism. If I take it all seriously, how will I write? Or rather, how will I live? Life is not to be taken seriously, as we are really temporary here. We are like a pre-paid card with limited validity. If we are lucky, we may last another 50 years. And 50 years is just 2,500 weekends. Do we really need to get so worke d up? It's ok, bunk a few classes, goof up a few interviews, fall in love. We are people, not programmed devices.
I've told you three things - reasonable goals, balance and not taking it too seriously that will nurture the spark. However, there are four storms in life that will threaten to completely put out the flame. These must be guarded against. These are disappointment, frustration, unfairness and loneliness of purpose.
Disappointment will come when your effort does not give you the expected return. If things don't go as planned or if you face failure. Failure is extremely difficult to handle, but those that do come out stronger. What did this failure teach me? is the question you will need to ask. You will feel miserable. You will want to quit, like I wanted to when nine publishers rejected my first book. Some IITians kill themselves over low grades â€" how silly is that? But that is how much failure can hurt you. But it's life. If challenges could always be overcome, they would cease to be a challenge. And remember - if you are failing at something, that means you are at your limit or potential. And that's where you want to be.
Disappointment' s cousin is frustration, the second storm. Have you ever been frustrated? It happens when things are stuck. This is especially relevant in India. From traffic jams to getting that job you deserve, sometimes things take so long that you don't know if you chose the right goal. After books, I set the goal of writing for Bollywood, as I thought they needed writers. I am called extremely lucky, but it took me fi ve years to get close to a release. Frustration saps excitement, and turns your initial energy into something negative, making you a bitter person. How did I deal with it? A realistic assessment of the time involved â€" movies take a long time to make even though they are watched quickly, seeking a certain enjoyment in the process rather than the end result â€" at least I was learning how to write scripts, having a side plan â€" I had my third book to write and even something as simple as pleasurable distractions in your life - friends, food, travel can help you overcome it. Remember, nothing is to be taken seriously. Frustration is a sign somewhere, you took it too seriously.
Unfairness - this is hardest to deal with, but unfortunately that is how our country works. People with connections, rich dads, beautiful faces, pedigree find it easier to make it â€" not just in Bollywood, but everywhere. And sometimes it is just plain luck. There are so few opportunities in India, so many stars need to be aligned for you to make it happen. Merit and hard work is not always linked to achievement in the short term, but the long term correlation is high, and ultimately things do work out. But realize, there will be some people luckier than you. In fact, to have an opportunity to go to college and understand this speech in English means you are pretty damm lucky by Indian standards. Let's be grateful for what we have and get the strength to accept what we don't. I have so much love from my readers that other writers cannot even imagine it. However, I don't get literary praise. It's ok. I don't look like Aishwarya Rai, but I have two boys who I think are more beautiful than her. It's ok. Don't let unfairness kill your spark.
Finally, the last point that can kill your spark is isolation. As you grow older you will realize you are unique. When you are little, all kids want Ice cream and Spiderman. As you grow older to college, you still are a lot like your friends. But ten years later and you realize you are unique. What you want, what you believe in, what makes you feel, may be different from even the people closest to you. This can create conflict as your goals may not match with others. . And you may drop some of them. Basketball captains in college invariably stop playing basketball by the time they have their second child. They give up something that meant so much to them. They do it for their family. But in doing that, the spark dies. Never, ever make that compromise. Love yourself first, and then others.
There you go. I've told you the four thunderstorms - disappointment, frustration, unfairness and isolation. You cannot avoid them, as like the monsoon they will come into your life at regular intervals. You just need to keep the raincoat handy to not let the spark die.
I welcome you again to the most wonderful years of your life. If someone gave me the choice to go back in time, I will surely choose college. But I also hope that ten years later as well, your eyes will shine the same way as they do today. That you will Keep the Spark alive, not only through college, but through the next 2,500 weekends. And I hope not just you, but my whole country will keep that spark alive, as we really need it now more than any moment in history. And there is something cool about saying - I come from the land of a billion sparks.
Thank You.!!!!

Excerpt from the Speech given by Chetan Bhagat at Symbiosis.

Life is one of those races in nursery school where you have to run with a marble in a spoon kept in your mouth. If the marble falls, there is no point coming first. Same with life, where health and relationships are the marble. Your striving is only worth it if there is harmony in your life. Else, you may achieve the success, but this spark, this feeling of being excited and alive, will start to die.

One thing about nurturing the spark - don't take life seriously. Life is not to be taken seriously, as we are really temporary here. We are like a pre-paid card with limited validity. If we are lucky, we may last another 50 years. And 50 years is just 2,500 weekends. Do we really need to get so worked up? It's ok, bunk a few classes, goof up a few interviews, fall in love. We are people, not programmed devices.

"Don't be serious, be sincere."

Start Enjoying from moment...............

Monday, April 13, 2009

A Difficult Decision Indeed ....

~~:Become A Good Leader!!!!!:~~

~:A Lesson Learned:~

I was speaking to a group of mixed ages on the topic of making difficult decisions. My teenage daughter was with me, and I introduced her to the audience while sharing that we were working on making the difficult decision of choosing a college for her to attend in the fall.

While I was fielding questions afterward in the foyer, a young man walked up to me and complimented me on the presentation. He shared that he, too, was working on making a difficult decision. I encouraged him and he, rather sheepishly, asked if I had a business card with my phone number so he could contact me if he had further questions. Eagerly, I handed him my card. Whatever this young man needed, I was sure I could supply. I handed him my card.

He thanked me and walked away, then stopped and turned back to say, “I really appreciate this and I’ve made my decision. I’m going to call your daughter sometime.”

Talk about deflating my ego…and making me stand a little closer to my daughter next time she travels with me!

Healthy leadership always moves along a positive path.!!!!

Forget about those age-old images of the stern, dour-faced manager, cracking the whip and doling out punishments and hard work to embittered employees. In today’s world, great leaders are recognized by the positive effects they have on people. They promote teamwork, encourage excellence, foster growth and even offer criticism in a productive way.

Toastmasters provides many opportunities for members to practice positive leadership skills. Many corporations around the world encourage their current and future managers to join. If you’re looking for a good place to work on your leadership skills, why not give Toastmasters a try?

Laws of Positive Leadership..
How to be a leader others want to follow:-

Examples abound of poor leadership. Who hasn’t had a teacher or boss who invoked feelings of disrespect? A positive leader is someone who inspires, motivates, energizes and unites, while generating loyalty and producing results. In his article for the Toastmaster magazine, Victor Parachin offers 10 rules on how to be that kind of leader:
  • Give more than you expect others to give.
  • Combine optimism and perseverance.
  • See everyone as a diamond in the rough.
  • Express appreciation; accept responsibility.
  • Keep your ego in check.
  • Show respect for the people around you.
  • Treat team members as family.
  • Be a source of inspiration.
  • Stress cooperation, not competition.
  • Maintain a sense of humor.

How to Find Leaders:-
Want to find leaders for your organization?

John Maxwell, Ph.D., is an expert on leadership and author of more than 30 books on that topic. In his monthly e-newsletter, Leadership Wired, he answers the question, “How can I be sure to hire the right person?” To accomplish anything of significance, you must have the right people by your side. Finding a great hire often goes hand in hand with identifying potential leaders. Maxwell credits his friend Fred Smith with helping him arrive at these 11 questions to ask when looking for a leader:
  • Does the person question existing systems and push for improvements?
  • Do they offer practical ideas?
  • When they speak, who listens?
  • Do others respect them?
  • Can they create or catch a vision?
  • Do they show a willingness to take responsibility?
  • Do they finish the job?
  • Are they emotionally strong?
  • Do they possess strong people skills?
  • Will they lead others with a servant’s heart?
  • Can they make things happen?
Requiem for the Heroic Manager :-

Ideas about effective leadership are changing.

In the past, the heroic archetype was the most popular image of corporate leadership. According to this image, a good manager was a rugged, decisive individual, capable of single-handedly driving a business to success and glory. But as Dave Zielinski points out in his article "Requiem for the Heroic Manager," the heroic archetype of leadership is on its deathbed. In its place, leadership research conducted in the past 20 years paints a very different picture. According to recent scholarship, good leaders:
  • Focus on the success of the organization rather than their own personal success.
  • Enable success in others and share the glory of success with the group.
  • Acknowledge personal weaknesses as well as strengths.
  • Celebrate the accomplishments of employees and make them feel like heroes.

Speak Like a Leader:~
Communication and leadership skills go hand in hand.

There are many good reasons why Toastmasters teaches both communication and leadership skills. People with good communication skills are more likely to be promoted to leadership positions, and good leaders need communication skills to be effective.
In other words, if you want to be a leader, you have to learn to speak like a leader. And Toastmasters is here to help.

Motivational Speech Techniques:-

Five simple strategies to motivate your listeners...
One of the most important elements of leadership is the ability to motivate people. Without motivation, even the most skilled team of seasoned professionals is unlikely to achieve great things. A highly motivated group of talented people, on the other hand, can move mountains. While it’s true that motivating people involves more than just changing the way you speak, there are some simple guidelines you can follow to help build team motivation with only your words and your voice:
  • Be enthusiastic. Enthusiasm is contagious! Before you present your ideas, think about the aspects of the subject that you find most interesting, and don’t be afraid to let that interest come through in your voice.
  • Use quotes, stories and anecdotes. Along with their obvious entertainment value, quotes and stories can lend authority to your topic and provide concrete examples that people can relate to.
  • Speak with confidence. Deliver your message loud and clear. Maintain eye contact with your listeners. Don’t mumble or slouch.
  • Say you and we, not I and me. Instead of telling people what you want them to do, present ways for them to work together to achieve their goals. Involve listeners in the success of the group.
  • Keep it simple. People aren’t motivated by what you say; they’re motivated by what they understand. The best way to ensure audience understanding is to break down complex ideas into simple components.

The 10 Commandments of Communication:~

How to speak like a leader?:-

  1. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Aren’t these two phrases the same? No indeed: “Say what you mean” is about telling the truth, “Mean what you say” is about making a commitment, keeping your promise, honoring your word. Have something meaningful to say. Step to the lectern with the intention of making a difference to your audience.
  2. Use the fewest words with the fewest syllables. I run afoul of this one all the time. It’s the main reason I rewrite so often, looking for big, two-dollar words I can swap for a single 10-cent syllable. Delete therefore, insert so. That’s real economy in writing. Remember that the basic unit of communication is not the word but the idea.
  3. Align with your audience. We may consider it our task to speak to the audience, but it is sometimes more important to speak for them. Express those thoughts and feelings that you share with them. Even if you think they are wrong and you are the advocate of sweeping change, you must first understand and articulate their feelings. Great leaders know that leadership begins with the pronoun we.
  4. Be specific. Use stories, anecdotes, parables and examples rather than generalities and abstractions. This is a tough one for some people. They love to wander through a topic in the abstract, scattering generalities as they go. The great teachers and speakers pepper their talks with vivid, detailed examples. “He seemed upset as he left” is general. “He blew his nose, kicked the dog and slammed the door” is specific.
  5. Suit the action to the word, the word to the action. Don’t say “I’m glad to be here” while looking at your wristwatch. Be aware of your non-verbal communication. Your gestures, posture, facial expressions, energy, tone of voice, and a thousand other tiny, unuttered elements actually carry the true and specific meaning of your communication. We can understand the words “I love you” well enough. But their true importance, their actual meaning, is all wrapped up in how they are spoken, and by whom.
  6. Structure your speech. One valuable way to make your talk memorable is to speak to a structure and make your listeners aware of it. Share with them the form of your thoughts as well as the content and they will be able to follow more complex ideas. It will be easier for you to remember, too. People appreciate the scenery more with a glance at the road map every now and then.
  7. Speak to be understood. Have the courtesy to develop your voice so that all may hear you. You groom your appearance, so why not cultivate your voice? With a little effort it can be strong, crisp, clear and various in texture, color and range. It’s sad when speakers expend their energy to create a vivid, well-constructed talk and then whisper, mutter or mumble.
  8. Speak for the benefit of others. Serve your audience well by keeping their interests foremost in your mind. This is the golden rule of speaking. As an audience member you can easily tell when a speaker is self-serving. Nothing communicates more clearly than intention.
  9. Speak from your highest self. The highest self is where hope resides. To lead effectively requires a courageous, positive, optimistic view. As any astronaut will tell you, if you get high enough you will be in perpetual sunshine. There must be a caveat attached to this rule, however: Beware of elevating yourself with a high horse. Be humble. Having an opinion is a meager accomplishment. On most occasions a modest demeanor improves communication.

Delegating Authority:~

The best way to wield power is to share it responsibly.
A leader is only one person and can only do the work of one person. In order to best accomplish the team’s goals and objectives, he or she must carefully delegate authority to team members. Why we don’t delegate Some leaders hesitate to delegate authority for the following reasons:
  • They think they can do it better themselves.
  • They fear others will make mistakes.
  • They think team members won’t like them if they give them a lot of work and responsibility.
  • They’re afraid the person will perform too well and make them look bad.

Truth is, the careful delegation of authority is one of the most important aspects of team building. When done right, it plays to the team’s strengths and gives team members valuable experience. It also gives people the opportunity to shine while freeing up the leader’s time for more important or appropriate activities.

How to delegate
While delegating authority and responsibility is crucial to team success, there are a few guidelines that should be followed:

  • Choose the right person. Select someone who is capable, able and willing to take on the responsibility.
  • Make expectations clear. Describe the project or task to be completed, the results expected and the timetable.
  • Establish how and when you want feedback on progress. Do you prefer daily reports? A weekly e-mail?
  • Give appropriate authority. Don’t give a team member a project that he or she does not have the power to complete! For example, don’t assign someone a task that requires access to a database that they can’t get into.
  • Get the person’s agreement. The team member should commit to and be willing to carry out the work.

Turning Team Conflict into Team Harmony:~

How to get people to rally together for a common cause.

Whether it’s in school, at the office or on the playing field, being a “team member” is a challenging role. How do people with diverse backgrounds, aptitudes and belief systems set aside their differences and start “rowing together as one?” Elusive as good teamwork may be, there are steps organizations can take to ensure their work teams are high-performing and well-adjusted. Zielinski cites team-building experts who offer advice on how to be a team leader, leading volunteer-based teams, and what to do when your team isn’t working. For example, Zielinski says a team’s chances of success depends on the leader’s ability to:
  • Use “people skills.”
  • Set precise and measurable objectives.
  • Provide regular and actionable feedback.
  • Promote peer pressure as a tool for accountability.
  • Offer meaningful rewards for good performance

Learning Leadership:~
The best way to learn how to lead is to become a leader.

Take a quick look at your local bookstore’s shelves and you will likely find hundreds of volumes about leadership. Scan the table of contents of a handful of them and you’ll find that there are many different – even contradictory – theories about what leadership is, and how to be a good leader. No matter how good some of these books might be, there’s no arguing that it’s difficult to advance your leadership skills without actually taking on leadership roles yourself. So if you’re looking for a place to put some of those leadership ideas you’ve been reading about into practice in a safe, supportive environment, give Toastmasters a try.

Leadership Track:~
Learn to lead with practical practice
Members working in the leadership track learn and practice leadership skills by serving in club roles. The Competent Leadership manual is the core of the leadership track. It features 10 projects, which you complete while serving in various club meeting roles. An evaluator will give you feedback on each project, helping you to improve. When you complete the manual, you are eligible for Competent Leader recognition. Complete the CL application in the manual and ask your vice president education to submit it online to World Headquarters. You'll receive a CL certificate and, if you wish, World Headquarters will send your employer a letter about your accomplishment. Advanced Leader Program After earning the CL award you can further refine and develop your leadership skills by working in the advanced leader program. Members working in this program are eligible for Advanced Leader Bronze (ALB) and Advanced Leader Silver (ALS) recognition.

~Leadership Essentials(Imp Topic)~

Leadership is difficult to define. It’s an abstract concept that evokes as many different reactions as there are different kinds of people. Yet most of us know good leadership when we see it, and we can often tell when good leadership is missing by the way a team or organization struggles without it. At Toastmasters, our leadership training program identifies the following areas as essential to quality, effective leadership:
  • Mission. A clear mission helps the leader to focus the team so that they can ignore distractions and pay attention to what’s most important.
  • Values. When a leader demonstrates values that are in sync with the company’s mission and the team’s goals, everyone benefits.
  • Planning and goal-setting. With clear goals and effective planning, leaders make their expectations understood and team members know what to do at all times.
  • Delegating authority. The job of leadership is usually too big to handle alone. By sharing responsibilities with the team, a leader instills a sense of purpose and empowerment.
  • Team building. Establishing trust, playing to individual strengths, encouraging people to work together – all are important aspects of team building.
  • Giving feedback. Constructive, concise and timely feedback is essential to each team member’s success, and to the success of the team as a whole.
  • Coaching team members. A good leader must take on the role of trainer now and then, providing expert advice, encouragement and suggestions for improvement.
  • Motivating people. By providing a good example, learning each team member’s needs and giving rewards and incentives when appropriate, a leader can inspire people to achieve higher levels of performance.
  • Working for the team. Great leaders encourage participation, facilitate communication and provide an environment where team success is more likely to occur.
  • Resolving conflict. Conflict between team members is inevitable, and not always a bad thing. A leader’s job is to resolve the conflict in a just and reasonable way so that productivity and morale do not suffer.

Fear Factor~

Fear and loathing on the podium.

Believe it or not, your chances of dying of stage fright are extremely slim. You might feel as if you are dying on the stage, but chances are good your audience won’t even notice your wobbly knees and sweating armpits. Even the best speakers were once terrified novices, feeling the same symptoms as you when facing an audience. Fear no more! This Blog is the best place to learn, to build your confidence, and to push yourself outside your comfort zone. It’s a safe place where there is no penalty for failure!

What You Should Have Said
The value of planned spontaneity.

Whatever can go wrong will go wrong, and usually at the worst possible time. Therefore, as a speaker, you need to be prepared, armed with clever lines that prove you are not only in control, but you can think on your feet. As any good comedian would say, be prepared – with some witty lines in case something doesn’t go according to plan. The microphone goes dead:

  • “Evidently, someone has heard this speech before.”
  • “Let me have a show of hands: How many of you read lips?”
  • “This is carrying Silent Night a little far. (Holiday time)”

Feedback from the microphone:

  • “If I wanted some feedback, I would have asked for it.”
  • Stare cautiously to the left, while listening to the microphone buzz. Then say in a concerned tone, “Whatever it is, it’s getting closer.”

When the lights go out or flicker:

  • “I’ve often had people doze off during my talk, but never an entire chandelier.” – Gene Perret
  • “I do my best work in the dark.”
  • “This lighting really plays tricks on your eyes. I’m actually a lot more handsome and skinnier than I look.”
  • “Everyone's a critic.”

Loud noises:

  • “Mom, can you be a little more careful?”
  • “That concludes the musical portion of the program.”

Fire alarm or bell:

  • “Time to take my pill.”
  • “So that’s what happened to my wake-up call.”
Slide is upside down:
  • “For those of you standing on your heads...”
  • “This is the Australian part of the presentation.”

Writing on flipchart and you run out of ink:

  • “Obviously, I've come to the dry part of my presentation. “

Participant walks out:

  • “Look, my first walking ovation.”
  • “It gets better, I promise. I walked out of my first talk.”

The Habit of Courage~
Act confidently, and soon enough you’ll feel confident.

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage.” – Anais Nin Most people come to Toastmasters to overcome their fear of public speaking. So at Toastmasters meetings, what you’ll see – among other things – are demonstrations of courage. Standing in front of a group of attentive listeners makes most people feel vulnerable. It also adds a burden of responsibility, expectation and opportunity. This can be overwhelming and downright scary. In Toastmasters, members acquire the habit of courage through encouragement and support. Just as Outward Bound programs teach the habit of courage by putting people in life-threatening situations, Toastmasters is a sort of “Inward Bound” program. As with sky diving or rock climbing, speaking before an audience becomes easier the more often you do it. He recommends the following four tips to alleviate that internal demon:
  • Become “other-conscious.” Don’t focus on yourself and what the audience might think. Instead, replace your self-consciousness with other-consciousness. Try to focus on your audience! Find a single person in the audience and make eye contact with him or her. Stay with that person long enough to deliver a full sentence or complete thought. If you take responsibility for the audience’s understanding of your message, you will soon forget your sweaty palms and knocking knees.
  • Anxiety feels worse than it looks. If you can refrain from calling attention to your fears and anxieties, nobody will know about them. “It’s a classic case of fake it 'til you make it,” Landrum says. “Act confidently, and soon enough you’ll feel confident.”
  • Make it look easy. The audience wants to hear the speech, not worry about the speaker. Be humble: This is not about you – it’s about your speech! Your ideas and thoughts, and how they benefit the listeners are the most important part. Deliver these with grace, style and enthusiasm, but avoid ego-building enhancements. A speech easily delivered is gladly received.
  • Let yourself be encouraged. Don’t be self-effacing or overly modest. Embrace the supportive atmosphere of a Toastmasters club and nourish visions of success! “Learn to give yourself the benefit of the doubt that you so easily would extend to anyone else!” Landrum says. “Persistence is the most useful virtue of the human heart. You are never beaten until you admit it.”

Consider the example of Eleanor Roosevelt, who was by nature timid, introverted and terrified of speaking in public. But because she was married to U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt, she had to speak in public often. She faced her fear and became one of the great speakers of the 20th Century. Let her words inspire you on your journey:

“You can gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, ‘I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along’… You must do the thing you cannot do.”
– Eleanor Roosevelt

Finding Your Voice~

What to speak about and how to define your message.

Once you manage to stand behind a lectern without fainting, then what? You need something to say, and you want it to be interesting to the audience. The age-old excuse people have for avoiding public speaking is, “I don’t have anything to say. My life is boring.” You don’t have to have a life-and-death experience or be an Olympic champion to have a story to share. You may not think so at the moment, but you do have a message to share. And as Toastmasters’ 2006 World Champion of Public Speaking Lance Miller shares in an article for the Toastmaster magazine, the more personal and passionate your story is, the better.

How to define yourself and your message
Look at who you are. What are your passions and interests, what do you struggle with? What challenges have you overcome? Here is a list of questions to ask yourself:

  • What is your philosophy? By what values do you live your life?
  • List the defining moments of your life. Any special lessons or experiences that profoundly affected you? For example: learning how to ride a bike, moving to a different city, taking on a new job, becoming a parent.
  • What subjects and issues are you certain about? The test of this is, How easily can you be convinced to change your mind? Have you discovered the best way to motivate a child to read? To make flowers grow? To create world peace? Then share your expertise with the world!
  • Find the extraordinary in the ordinary. You won’t inspire an audience if you live a negative life. Find the blessings in life and bring them to life for yourself and your audience!
  • What makes you laugh? Share your favorite sources of humor.
  • What makes you angry? Share how you would change the world for the better if you could.
  • What are you struggling with right now? Speak about what captures your attention at the moment. If you have “speaker’s block”, speak about your inability to come up with a speech topic. Don’t have enough time in the day for all your work? Give a speech on that topic! It will help you give a passionate speech and perhaps solve a problem.

So, what do you have to say? Challenge yourself and discover your voice!

Dread Giving a Speech?
You are not alone! Here are time-tested tips on how to overcome your fear of public speaking.

Despite actor George Jessel’s assertion that “The human brain starts working the moment you’re born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public,” there are many things you can do to make your presentations less nerve-wracking. In this article from the Toastmaster magazine, Joanne McCabe shares her own story of getting her butterflies to fly in formation. Here are some of her recommendations:

  • Don’t procrastinate!
  • Always look for a speech topic
  • Choose a topic you care about
  • Organize your speech in a logical sequence
  • Create an attention-grabbing opening
  • Rehearse!
  • Visualize success
  • Know your equipment needs
  • Familiarize yourself with the setting
  • Wear comfortable and professional-looking clothes
  • Concentrate on the message; not the audience
  • No matter how nervous you may feel, don’t tell the audience!
  • Use visuals and stories relevant to your topic
  • Speak clearly and audibly

When Things Go Wrong~
Dos and don't for when the mike won't.

When things beyond your control go wrong, the only thing you can control is your reaction to them. Just as the sailor at sea is at the mercy of the elements, so is the speaker. The sailors batten down the hatches in rough weather; what does the speaker do in when the microphone won’t work? Or when the lights malfunction? Or when the music in the next room is too loud? Among his dos and don’ts:
  • Don’t: Blow your cool.
  • Do: Maintain your dignity.
  • Don’t: Surrender to the situation.
  • Do: Your best under any circumstances.
  • Don’t: Continually refer to the problem.
  • Do: Keep your sense of humor

10 Tips for Public Speaking~

Feeling some nervousness before giving a speech is natural and even beneficial, but too much nervousness can be detrimental.

Here are some proven tips on how to control your butterflies and give better presentations:

  1. Know your material. Pick a topic you are interested in. Know more about it than you include in your speech. Use humor, personal stories and conversational language – that way you won’t easily forget what to say.
  2. Practice. Practice. Practice! Rehearse out loud with all equipment you plan on using. Revise as necessary. Work to control filler words; Practice, pause and breathe. Practice with a timer and allow time for the unexpected.
  3. Know the audience. Greet some of the audience members as they arrive. It’s easier to speak to a group of friends than to strangers.
  4. Know the room. Arrive early, walk around the speaking area and practice using the microphone and any visual aids.
  5. Relax. Begin by addressing the audience. It buys you time and calms your nerves. Pause, smile and count to three before saying anything. ("One one-thousand, two one-thousand, three one-thousand. Pause. Begin.) Transform nervous energy into enthusiasm.
  6. Visualize yourself giving your speech. Imagine yourself speaking, your voice loud, clear and confident. Visualize the audience clapping – it will boost your confidence.
  7. Realize that people want you to succeed. Audiences want you to be interesting, stimulating, informative and entertaining. They’re rooting for you.
  8. Don’t apologize for any nervousness or problem – the audience probably never noticed it.
  9. Concentrate on the message – not the medium. Focus your attention away from your own anxieties and concentrate on your message and your audience.
  10. Gain experience. Mainly, your speech should represent you — as an authority and as a person. Experience builds confidence, which is the key to effective speaking. A Toastmasters club can provide the experience you need in a safe and friendly environment.

Mastering the Laugh~

You won’t croak if you tell a joke!

Let’s face it. Humor is hard! Even experienced speakers struggle with knowing how to (appropriately!) tickle their audience’s funny bones. We all enjoy listening to a funny speech –the problem is, we typically don’t think of ourselves as being funny speakers. Members of Toastmasters are no different; that’s why we have assembled a wide range of resource material on this topic. Toastmasters exist to help your audience laugh with you, not at you!

Humor has many benefits. It can:

  • Help establish a bond with the audience
  • Win over a hostile audience
  • Keep the audience interested
  • Emphasize or illustrate a point
  • Help people remember you

Here are some tips:

  • Be yourself. Think about what types of humor you appreciate, then create a library of such items. Don’t like jokes? Try a humorous anecdote or a witty observation from your own life.
  • It’s OK to be mildly amusing, rather than eye-dabbingly funny.
  • Use humor sparingly, like a spice. At first, try using a humorous opener to your speech. A quote or offhand observation can be a good icebreaker.
  • Keep it relevant to your speech topic.
  • Avoid retelling jokes found on the Internet. Chances are good others have already heard or seen them.
  • Keep it clean! Humor is supposed to make people feel good – not embarrassed, insulted or offended.
  • Make it readily identifiable as humor. But in case no one laughs, prepare a comment in advance or just move on.
  • Keep it appropriate to the audience and the situation.
  • Self-effacing humor is safe –a little of it goes a long way. The audience would rather hear about the time you fell on your face than when you won the race.
  • Work on your delivery. Practice using vocal variety and gestures.
  • Timing is everything! Pause before the punch line.

10 Biggest Public Speaking Mistakes~

Top executives often fall flat on their faces as speakers.

How come intelligent, business-savvy people end up boring their audiences? They fail to recognize that public speaking is an acquired skill that improves with practice and honest feedback. Speaking for 20 minutes before the right group of people can do more for your career than spending a year behind a desk!

Rob Sherman, an attorney and public speaker in Columbus, Ohio, says in an article in the Toastmaster magazine to avoid these mistakes:

  • Starting with a whimper. Don’t start with “Thank you for that kind introduction.” Start with a bang! Give the audience a startling statistic, an interesting quote, a news headline – something powerful that will get their attention immediately.
  • Attempting to imitate other speakers. Authenticity is lost when you aren’t yourself.
  • Failing to “work” the room. Your audience wants to meet you. If you don’t take time to mingle before the presentation, you lose an opportunity to enhance your credibility with your listeners.
  • Failing to use relaxation techniques. Do whatever it takes – listening to music, breathing deeply, shrugging your shoulders – to relieve nervous tension.
  • Reading a speech word for word. This will put the audience to sleep. Instead use a “keyword” outline: Look at the keyword to prompt your thoughts. Look into the eyes of the audience, then speak.
  • Using someone else’s stories. It’s okay to use brief quotes from other sources, but to connect with the audience, you must illustrate your most profound thoughts from your own life experiences. If you think you don’t have any interesting stories to tell, you are not looking hard enough.
  • Speaking without passion. The more passionate you are about your topic, the more likely your audience will act on your suggestions.
  • Ending a speech with questions and answers. Instead, tell the audience that you will take questions and then say, “We will move to our closing point.” After the Q and A, tell a story that ties in with your main theme, or summarize your key points. Conclude with a quote or call to action.
  • Failing to prepare. Your reputation is at stake every time you face an audience – so rehearse well enough to ensure you’ll leave a good impression!
  • Failing to recognize that speaking is an acquired skill. Effective executives learn how to present in the same way they learn to use other tools to operate their businesses.

~:Prevention's always better than Cure:~

A man was sitting by a lake n throwing pebbles into it. A young boy happened to cross by. He was intrigued to see that after every few minutes, the man would toss a pebble into d lake. The boy asked him, "Good pastime, this stone throwing,?" "Hm," said he. He seemed to be deep in thought and did not wish to be disturbed. Later, the man said softly, "Look at the water, it is absolutely still. " The boy said, "Yes, it is." The man tossed a pebble into the water and continued, "Only till I toss a pebble into it now do you see the ripples?" "Yeah," said the boy, "they spread further and further." "And soon, the water is still again," offered the man. The boy said, "Sure, it becomes quiet, after a while." The man continued, "What if we want to stop the ripples? The root cause of the ripples is the stone. Lets take the stone out. Go ahead and look for it." The boy put his hand into the water and tried to take the stone out. But he only succeeded in making more ripples. He was able to take the stone out, but the number of ripples that were made in the process were a lot more than before. The wise man said, "Its not possible to stop d movement f d water once a pebble has been thrown into it. But if we can stop ourselves from throwing the pebble in the first place, the ripples can be avoided altogether! So too's with our minds... If a thought enters into it, it creates ripples.
  • The only way 2 save mind fm getting disturbed is to block n ban d entry f all superfluous thoughts that cud be a potential cause 4 disturbance.
  • If a disturbance has entered into d mind, it will take its own time 2 die down. Too many conflicting thoughts just cause more n more disturbances.
  • Even trying to forcibly remove d thought may further increase d turmoil in d mind.
  • Time surely's a great healer, but prevention's always better.So,Friend/s...

*****Be4 U allow a thought to enter ur mind, put it through d triple filter test f authenticity,gudness n value.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Stress Management!!!!

~:Stress Management:~

A lecturer was giving a lecture to his student on stress management.

He raised a glass of water and asked the audience, "How heavy do you think this glass of water is?" The students' answers ranged from 20g to 500gm.

It does not matter on the absolute weight. It depends on how long you hold it. If I hold it for a minute, it is OK. If I hold it for an hour, I will have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you will have to call an ambulance.

It is the exact same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, we will not be able to carry on, the burden becoming increasingly heavier.

What you have to do is to put the glass down, rest for a while before holding it up again. We have to put down the burden periodically, so that we can be refreshed and are ! able
to carry on.

So before you return home from work tonight, put the burden of work down. Don't carry it
back home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you are having now on your shoulders, let it down for a moment if you can. Pick it up again later when you have rested.

Rest and relax. Life is short, enjoy it!! Cheers!!!!!

::author unknown:::

Thursday, April 9, 2009

The Woman In Your Life...

~:This is a beautiful article:~

T he woman in your life...very well expressed...

Tomorrow you may get a working woman, but you should marry her with these facts as well.

Here is a girl, who is as much educated as you are; Who is earning almost as much as you do; One, who has dreams and aspirations just as you have because she is as human as you are; One, who has never entered the kitchen in her life just like you or your Sister haven't, as she was busy in studies and competing in a system that gives no special concession to girls for their culinary achievements One, who has lived and loved her parents & brothers & sisters, almost as much as you do for 20-25 years of her life; One, who has bravely agreed to leave behind all that, her home, people who love her, to adopt your home, your family, your ways and even your family ,name One, who is somehow expected to be a master-chef from day #1, while you sleep oblivious to her predicament in her new circumstances, environment and that kitchen One, who is expected to make the tea, first thing in the morning and cook food at the end of the day, even if she is as tired as you are, maybe more, and yet never ever expected to complain; to be a servant, a cook, a mother, a wife, even if she doesn't want to; and is learning just like you are as to what you want from her; and is clumsy and sloppy at times and knows that you won't like it if she is too demanding, or if she learns faster than you; One, who has her own set of friends, and that includes boys and even men at her workplace too, those, who she knows from school days and yet is willing to put all that on the back-burners to avoid your irrational jealousy, unnecessary competition and your inherent insecurities; Yes, she can drink and dance just as well as you can, but won't, simply Because you won't like it, even though you say otherwise One, who can be late from work once in a while when deadlines, just like yours, are to be met; One, who is doing her level best and wants to make this most important, relationship in her entire life a grand success, if you just help her some and trust her; One, who just wants one thing from you, as you are the only one she knows in your entire house - your unstinted support, your sensitivities and most importantly - your understanding, or love, if you may call it. But not many guys understand this......

Please appreciate "HER" I hope you will do....

-Amaresh (jai)

~*~*~:Body Language:~*~*~

~*~:Body Language:~*~

Love Signals :~

If someone loves you or if he is extremely interested in you then most probably he won't tell you directly until he becomes sure of your emotions towards him. But behind the scenes his subconscious mind will keep sending you signals that shows that he is deeply interested in you.

Reading body language: In state of interest

The state of being interested in someone or some topic is one of the major states in body language and so, before knowing the posture associated with the state, you need to first be introduced to some concepts like, private distance, orientation and eye contact

Now i am going to tell you about those unconscious signs so that you can use them to know whether someone loves you or not.

The Private Distance: When you're interested in someone you tend to keep a smaller private distance between you and him/her

compared to the distance you would otherwise keep while being with others. You will notice that whoever might be interested in you is standing closer to you than to other people.

Orientation: Generally, when a person is really enjoying the company of the other, and doesn’t want to leave, he will be oriented so that his shoulders are parallel to the shoulders of the other. That means he faces him by his whole body, people who talk to you while not being oriented properly may be wanting to leave either because they are not interested to talk or either because they may be late.

~:Eye Contact in Body Language:~

Eye Contact in Body Language

Maintaining proper eye contact during a conversation will give the impression that you are interested in listening to what the person has to say; that you are not shy and that you respect the person talking to you.

Eye contact should not be maintained 100% of the time because the other person may feel uncomfortable. What is meant by "Proper Eye Contact" is that it should be maintained around 70 to 80 % of the meeting.

Where to Look if You Are Shy

Some people have the problem of not being able to look others in the eye because they are not used to it. If you are one of those people, then just look at, what we call, the positive area of eye contact, which is represented by the triangle in the picture below.

If you look anywhere in this area, the other person will think that you looking into his eyes even if you're looking at his nose. Smiling

Eye Contact :~ Been thinking a lot lately about relationships and what makes them work well or, in other words, what is a “well designed” relationship.

Eye Contact

People who look others directly in the eye, without flinching, and enable you to feel that you are in that moment being seen and listened to are keen. I was reminded of this likable trait by something I heard today. And since I've been doing a lot of thinking about people lately, what with refreshing summer gatherings, both business and social rendezvous, I was struck by this comment — direct eye contact is a great thing. As much as we need each other, we are often scared and uncertain and avoid this simple unspoken means of communication. Go for it.

How to use body language to know if someone is interested in you?

Now, after you've had an idea of all the important concepts, you can use them all together to know if someone is interested in you. If you find someone to be leaving small private distance between you and him, properly oriented and establishing good eye contact, then that means that he is interested in the conversation. But, if the person leaves a bigger distance, is not oriented properly and lacks positive eye contact, he may not be interested or in good intentions, just in a hurry. In addition to all the negative signs, if he is taking a defensive position , then he's reinforcing the idea that he may not be very enthusiastic about continuing the conversation to the end.

Another useful use of the state of interest postures is that you can easily use them to differentiate between close friends and people whom you've just known for a few days or so.

Orientation/Zero angle: Orienting himself/herself in your direction even if they were standing with other people. Orienting themselves means that they stand with their shoulders parallel to yours and with their toes pointing towards you.

The shocking result was that people build their impressions of you based on:

  • 55 percent body form, postures and movements.
  • 38 percent on the tone of your voice (tempo and frequency).
  • Only 7 percent on what you say.

That makes a total of 93 percent for body language(which comprises Bodily gestures and voice tones) and only 7 percent for speech. This means that 93 percent of what you want to say is not uttered in words but emitted from your body language and postures.

Positively evaluating a situation:-

Suppose you're late for a meeting and you're sure that your boss will yell at you, imagine you finding out that the meeting's been canceled as soon as you get there. What will you be thinking of then? "Wow, that's great!!".

That is called a positive evaluation; it happens when you consider an event to be positive like for example when you see someone you love or when you get high grades. In general, it happens whenever you think something to be a positive thing.

The body form for positive evaluation in body language

Positive evaluation in body language can be associated with any of the two below postures (see pictures). Rubbing your eyebrows smoothly or adjusting your eyeglasses indicates the presence of the feeling. What's funny is that some people actually believe that they're really just adjusting their eyeglasses; in fact, in every 1000 times they do that, 999 times of those are a result of them positively evaluating something, while only one of them is to really adjust their glasses.

Positive evaluation and attractiveness

When someone finds you attractive, he may take the "positive evaluation" body form. There are a few body language tips that can make you become more attractive.In body language rubbing your brows with your fingers means that you positively evaluated something.

I don't want anything in particular:
Calling you for any trivial reason like asking about something that he/she already knows or by just seeking confirmation to some kind of information. If they were smart enough, they may find a good reason to call you but when the frequency of these calls increases, this usually indicates that there is something behind it.

Why am i happy?:
Smiling while talking to you even if there was no good reason for smiling is another strong sign. In most cases he/she will try to hide the smile so they will appear as if they want to smile but are holding themselves

Smiles that Don’t Fade:
A smile will not fade away quickly if the person isgenuinely interested in you (that does not have to be love but worst case scenario, it will be deep interest). Only fake smiles fade away quickly, true smiles stay tend to linger a little longer.

Nice or Cold?
Being very nice one day and ignoring you the other day is one of the strongest sings. The logic behind this is very simple, at the beginning the person treats you very nicely because he likes you but when he goes home he realizes that he has done too much effort without receiving a response. This person might say to himself "Oh my God, I did show lots of signs today that shows that i am interested but I still got no response, tomorrow I should totally ignore her". So when you find someone being nice one day and cold the other day know that the positive signs he gave you are sourced from the positive emotions he has for you and that the negative signs may just be a way to cover his traces.

Mr./Mrs. Everywhere:
Meeting him/her many times by coincidence is another sign. Of course these are not just coincidences but they may be either changing their schedule to suit yours or they may be going to the places that you usually go to in order to meet you by coincidence.

Your Friends Are Really Nice:
Starting to care more about your friends and becoming more nice to them is a strong sign especially if he/she wasn’t used to caring about them before.

canceling their other plans in order to see you.

Where Are You?
Finally the person who loves you will try to keep you within their range of sight and each now and then they will take a look to make sure that you are still there. This sign can work the other way too, if you kept looking someone in the eye for extended periods of time you might let him fall in love with you.If you managed to force the release of these hormones in someone's body then he might be fooled into thinking that he actually loves you.

Signs that Show if Someone Is in Love with Someone Else:-

Identifying with the person:Phrases like “Hey, you know what? Your personality is very close to mine”, “Me too!! I adore orange juice” or "Sarah and I both hate physics" are perfect examples of someone who is trying to identify with someone else. Usually when someone falls in love, he tries to identify with the person he loves and this can be noticed by paying close attention to the phrases that he/she is using. This sign also works the other way around, by identifying with a person his subconscious mind will start to perceive you as a potential partner and he might fall in love with you.
Watch for the eyebrow: In Body Language, touching your eye brow with one finger then passing your finger along it to the side has no other meaning other than that you have evaluated something positively. If a person always sees someone in a positive light, you'll be able to know by watching his body language.

Looking for any excuse to talk about him/her: When someone falls in love with someone else, he/she usually feels eager to talk about that person and so tries to find any excuse to mention the person's name in front of others even if the excuse was making fun of him!!! For example: “you know, I think Sarah is really weird..”

Frequency of moving her hair: When a girl moves her hair backwards using one hand so that she reveals her ear, this usually means that she is interested in the person she is talking/listening to. If this is repeated several times while talking to a specific person, this could mean she is extremely interested in him or, in other words, she is in love with him.

Being anxious when being with him/her: Almost everyone cares very much about the impression that the person he loves forms of them and as a result they tend to be very anxious in the presence of that person, especially on first meetings. So you may be asking yourself, how do you know if he/she is anxious?

Minding his own business
“You know what, I think you'd look really good wearing a red shirt.” The previous phrase is a perfect example of a girl who is in love with a guy. Although there was no reason for her to talk about his dressing style, she just couldn’t resist the urge to make him look better, and this goes for any types of advice that may improve anything in his life.

Do you notice how you behave right after you meet the person you love? If the meeting went well then you'll most probably notice that you have become hyperactive; doing things that you usually don’t do and saying things that you usually don’t say. This hyper-activity can be a very good indication of whether someone is in love with someone else or not.

Body Language: In state of flirting

Researches have found that there is a direct relation between the states of feeling that we experience and our gestures. So if you are happy, your gestures will take a form that is different than the form it will take if you were feeling sad. So if you managed to know the gesture associated with a certain emotional state, you will be able to detect the presence of this emotional state. The same goes for flirting because it’s just an emotional state, if you know the body posture and the body language changes associated with the state of flirting you will easily know if someone is trying to flirt with you.

Flirting Signs and Gestures

Whether you've found them strange or not, whether you've believed in them or not, they're still signs of flirting. These signs are neither subject to suspect nor do they represent my opinion about flirting; they are proven facts. I am not asking you to believe in them without testing them; all I'm asking is that you test them and see for yourself.

  • Pupil size: When someone sees something or someone that he likes, his pupil size gets bigger!! I know that this is a bit hard to notice, but with training you will be able to detect these slight changes in the pupil size and so know if someone likes seeing you.
  • Playing with her hair : This sign is only associated with girls. When a girl wants to flirt with someone or when she finds him particularly interesting, she may start to play with her hair, twist it and flicker it. This could happen once or several times during the conversation; the more she does, the better!!
  • Pointing towards you with his toes or feet: If he isn't sitting right next to you, then he'll have his feet or toes point directly towards you; it's even better when he sits with his body totally facing you.
  • Seeing his/her teeth through the smile: A smile should be wide enough to reveal at least the front teeth, otherwise it may be a fake smile, or a polite smile that has nothing to do with you.
  • Keeping you in his/her line of sight: The person who is flirting with you will try to keep you in his line of sight. As a result, you may find him taking a look at you every now and then or you may find him continuously orienting himself to be facing you even if he is standing with someone else.
  • Clothing: A girl will generally dress to kill upon the possibility of you being there. You could ask her about her favorite colors, and observe whether she wears them a lot when you're around or not.

Body language: In state of anxiousness:

If you've tried taking notice of how behave usually behave as they wait for their turn at the dentist's office, or as they wait for their end of year exams, then you're probably familiar with some body language anxiety signs.

Anxiety is one of the body's language that can not be identified by one gesture or the other; you have to combine more than one signal to know whether that person's anxious or not. The presence of three or more signs of the below shows that this person is anxious:

  • Finger-nail biting
  • Fidgeting (frequent change of position while you're sitting, unable to settle down)
  • Tapping your heel on the floor repeatedly in a nervous manner.
  • Tapping your fingers and/or hand on your lap.
  • Sweating
  • Jiggling what ever's in your pocket
  • Whistling

~:Body Language: In state of confidence:~

  • state of confidence :-

The state of confidence is one of the easiest states to recognize. The following postures signal a confident person:
  • When you see someone standing with his hands behind his back, as shown in the picture below, then know that he probably is feeling confident. He may be feeling confident because he is a confident person or because he believes he’s on top of matters in a current situation. Maybe the people he’s talking with are talking about a topic he’s well-familiar with. They could be talking about unemployment for example when he’s already got a well-paid jobs.
  • There is another posture that identifies a confident person, which is the clasping of the hands in front of the stomach (not shown in pictures). This one is more popular and is usually seen on television when the president of a country is standing.Usually, strangers take the defensive posture while maintaining a bigger private distance than they normally do. Don't rely on the defensive posture alone; make sure both clues exist.

  • A third gesture that shows confidence is when finger tips touch each other (see the picture below). A person may take this posture when confident about what he has to say or when he’s talking about something he deeply believes in.
  • The third picture shows the superiority position; the person takes this posture when he feels superior or overconfident. You can call this the state of over confidence or superiority. For example, when someone finishes a hard task or completes an exam, you may find him taking the superiority body posture. The Superiority posture may not be a polite form to take in a public meeting or when in the company of strangers.

  • A confident person generally stands upright
  • He stands with both legs firmly planted on the ground and rarely crosses them.
  • He walks with wide steps because he is not afraid to encounter new situations. This may sound far from logic but its how the Subconscious mind thinks.
  • He doesn't panic when he makes mistakes because he knows that making mistakes is part of the human nature

~:Reading body language: being offended:~

When someone becomes offended he takes on the most well-known body forms; the form that the body takes or associates in that kind of state is the same one used for the defensive position which constructs of having the arms crossed (sometimes it's accompanied by crossed legs too). You may have grown offended by something that someone said, something that didn’t really appeal to you for example.

How to Deal With a person taking the defensive position

  • If you are in a negotiation with someone, and he takes defensive position, then know that he didn't like what you had to say.
  • If you criticize someone who later takes the defensive position, make sure to apologize to him because he has been offended.
  • If you are a sales person and you're talking to a customer about a product's price and then he takes the defensive position, be flexible and talk about something else other than the price because it's obvious that he didn't like what you said.
  • Always use your mind to determine whether the defensive position was taken because the person was offended or for any other reason like that of felling uncomfortable or cold.

~:Body Language: In state of evaluation:~

Body Language & Thinking:-

When you start evaluating something or thinking about it, you’ll most probably be finding yourself taking the posture shown in the picture below. What's good about this posture is that it’s unique for only this situation; if you happen to see someone with the following posture then be 100% sure that they’re in the process of evaluating something.

~:Body language: Upon negatively evaluating a situation.:~

Reading body language, Negative Evaluation of a situation

Imagine you coming home after a long busy day at work and being very thirsty. You open the refrigerator hoping to find something to drink but unfortunately you find nothing. At this point, you're most likely to develop very negative feelings towards the situation. Take this for another negative situation, suppose that you have an appointment for an apartment or a job interview and you're already running late, you then find out that you've got to head back to the house because you've forgotten your car keys. In both of these situations, your body is most likely to taken the following forms,

What happens when you negatively evaluate a situation?

When a negative situation happens, the blood capillaries in your nose contract and you, thus, feel like scratching it, which in term results in the form shown in the picture below. This body shape is one of the most popular forms in body language because of the many negative situations we encounter in our lives.

A lot of people, upon seeing the picture below, will think they've never looked like that. The truth is that they looked exactly like that hundreds of times, but, since it wasn't anything relevant to the subconscious mind, it was always discarded. Now that people are aware of the body form, it becomes relevant and they start taking notice of it.

~:Body language: State of frustration:~

Body language: State of frustration

Being frustrated is being unable to do something that you want to do badly. Suppose you have lots of work to do but don't have enough time, or suppose you have piles of work to finish but haven’t started working on them yet; you'll probably end up feeling frustrated. In body language, when people grow frustrated, they take the body form shown in the picture below. Scratching the back of your head or rubbing your neck from behind, as in the picture below, is a clear sign of frustration.

~:Body language: In state of boredom:~

Reading body language: boredom

When someone feels bored, he usually doesn't keep up the eye contact with the person he's talking to and may start searching for anything around to play with as shown in the picture. Someone who is bored may also start moving his foot up and down repeatedly in a nervous manner.

If you are talking to someone and suddenly find him doing any of these moves, then try to change the subject or to add more humor to what are you saying.

~:Body language: In state of lying:~

Reading Body language: In state of lying

Just like any other emotional state, lying brings about some changes to your body form and posture. If you are familiar with these postures, you will be able to detect liars right away.

When it comes to detecting a liar via body language, your task may be a little bit difficult than when trying to detect other states. Basically, there are two methods to detect liars; the first one is not that accurate but is rather simple. The second one needs a little bit of extra effort but is much more accurate. The first is based on body language while the second is based on NLP's Eye Accessing Cues. By combining both methods, you'll be able to spot liars easily. Read further to know more about both.

Detecting a liar using body language

Let's start with the simple method. There are a lot of noticeable signs that can be detected when someone lies. If you take noticing of two or more of these signs, then that means that the person is possibly lying. Noticing more than three will raise the accuracy of your lying detection process and so on. Remember, one sign is never enough! The signs you will be looking for are:

  • If the target person is not used to lying or if his values and beliefs make him perceive lying as immoral then: when telling the lie, he will be negatively evaluating what he is saying and will thus be taking up one of the -ve evaluation postures (touching nose or ears). Negative evaluation Postures, in body language, are taken when someone considers something to be negative. In this case, he doesn't like the fact that he is lying and will thus be adopting the negative evaluation body posture. Note that this only happens with people who consider lying a bad thing; not with everyone.
  • Eye contact very much weakens when someone is lying: while telling a lie, the person may keep on looking at other stuff around him.
  • Palms are rarely visible when someone is lying: Being comfortable with showing your palms is a sing of honesty and truthfulness; people who lie usually either put their palms down or keep their hands in their pockets. See the pictures below illustrating the differences between someone who is lying and someone who is telling the truth
  • The back is rarely kept up straight, and the posture is rarely upright when someone is lying (unless he is proud of lying. )

~:Leaving a Positive Impression:~

Leaving a positive impression

If you succeeded in leaving a positive 1st impression your chance of getting a job will become higher, your social relations will improve and people will admire you.

I avoid using vague advices like “Be confident” or “Be a good listener” and these commonly heard phrases but instead i use will effective and practical advices that are backed by Deep psychological principles. If you followed these advices the first impression you will leave will be positive 99% of the time.

I didn’t say 100% of the time because sometimes the impression people form of you depends on their own past experience. For example if you saw someone who looks just like your arrogant boss you will tend to think of him as arrogant even if he was not.

The Psychology of Impression Formation

A person takes about 5 to 10 seconds to form an impression of someone else And then he uses the other 5-10 minutes to confirm his judgment. So if you made a good use of the first five seconds then your chance of leaving a positive impression will become much higher. I know you may be thinking that 5 or 10 seconds is a very short period of time and that nothing much can be done in them but if you read the following section you will discover that lots of things take place in these five seconds but you never used to focus on them.

How to Leave a Positive Impression

  • The first thing you can do is proper eye contact. Proper Eye contact shows respect,interest and that you are not shy. Proper eye contact means that the eye contact should be around 70% to 80% of the time.
  • Another thing that happens in the first few seconds is the handshake, a firm handshake combined with proper eye contact leaves the impression that you are a confident person. people who don't shake hands in a firm way will most likely leave the impression that they are not confident.
  • If you did the previous two points you will appear to be confident but in the same time you may appear to be a little cold and that’s why you need to add a smile on your face. This smile will not only make the other person think that you have got a sense of humor but he will also feel more comfortable in dealing with you
  • Sit with your back straight and your shoulders stretched. A straight back leaves the impression that you are confident happy or interested in what you are listening to. Never ever cross your legs or fold your arms, when sitting because this leaves the impression that you are not that comfortable or even afraid. Don't place an object like a bag or a file between you and the interviewer because this leaves the same impression that folding your arms leaves
  • if you felt like scratching your nose do not do it because this shows that you are -ve evaluating something, after all your emotions are private and you shouldn't let anyone know what are you thinking about unless you want that
  • If you can wear blue clothes then do it, in the psychology of colors blue gives the impression of loyalty and honesty, wearing blue will leave an unconscious impression in the mind of other people that you are loyal and honest.

NLP, eye accessing cues

  • upper left ,visual construction (VC) : the person looking into that direction is constructing the image of a visual scene, the person's eye could go to this direction when asked about the color of his dream car
  • upper right , visual remembering (VR) : the person looking into that direction is remembering the image of a visual scene, that's the direction someone could look to when asked about the color of his car
  • middle left, auditory construction (AC) : the person looking into that direction is constructing a sound , that's the direction the person's eye could go to when asked a question like "what do you think he will tell you when you meet him tomorrow ?"
  • middle Right , auditory remembering (AR) : the person looking into that direction is remembering a sound , that's the direction the person's eye could go to when asked about what someone told him yesterday
  • lower left Kinesthetic (k) :this is the direction someone's eye go to when he is accessing his feelings, that's the direction his eyes could go to when asked somthing like "how did it feel to fail that exam?"
  • lower right ,auditory digital (AD) : this is the direction someone's eye go to when he is talking to himself.

~:Body Language; All About Handshakes:~

Handshakes and Body Language

Do you know how many seconds it takes a person to form an impression of you?

It usually takes the other person from 5 to 10 seconds to form an impression of you. I'm sure you are now wondering what is it you can do to leave a positive impression in this very short period of time!!
Actually, more than one thing takes place in this short period of time; as you may have already guessed one of these things is the handshake.

  • When you firmly hold the other person’s hand while handshaking them, his subconscious mind will think that you are stronger and more confident than him!!
  • by assuring that your handshake is firm, without extra unneeded pressure, you will be leaving the impression that you are more confident than he is.
  • Have you ever noticed how some people position their palms horizontally instead of vertically while shaking hands with their friends?
    We have two cases here; the first is when the palm is parallel and facing the floor while the second is when the palm is facing the sky. The first reflects the desire to dominate, while the other position represents a state of submission. The person who positions his palm so that it faces the ground while shaking hands will usually be doing so because of his unconscious desire to dominate the other person. On the other hands positioning the palm so that it faces the sky usually reflects the state of being submissive to the other person.
  • What if Someone Wants to Control Me?

    So what if someone tries to shake hands with me with his palms facing the ground?
    Simply hold his palm and firmly return it to the vertical position. By doing so, you are sending a small message to his subconscious mind that states: “Sorry, but I'm not the kind of person whom you can control”