Thursday, April 9, 2009

~*~*~:Body Language:~*~*~

~*~:Body Language:~*~

Love Signals :~

If someone loves you or if he is extremely interested in you then most probably he won't tell you directly until he becomes sure of your emotions towards him. But behind the scenes his subconscious mind will keep sending you signals that shows that he is deeply interested in you.

Reading body language: In state of interest

The state of being interested in someone or some topic is one of the major states in body language and so, before knowing the posture associated with the state, you need to first be introduced to some concepts like, private distance, orientation and eye contact

Now i am going to tell you about those unconscious signs so that you can use them to know whether someone loves you or not.

The Private Distance: When you're interested in someone you tend to keep a smaller private distance between you and him/her

compared to the distance you would otherwise keep while being with others. You will notice that whoever might be interested in you is standing closer to you than to other people.

Orientation: Generally, when a person is really enjoying the company of the other, and doesn’t want to leave, he will be oriented so that his shoulders are parallel to the shoulders of the other. That means he faces him by his whole body, people who talk to you while not being oriented properly may be wanting to leave either because they are not interested to talk or either because they may be late.

~:Eye Contact in Body Language:~

Eye Contact in Body Language

Maintaining proper eye contact during a conversation will give the impression that you are interested in listening to what the person has to say; that you are not shy and that you respect the person talking to you.

Eye contact should not be maintained 100% of the time because the other person may feel uncomfortable. What is meant by "Proper Eye Contact" is that it should be maintained around 70 to 80 % of the meeting.

Where to Look if You Are Shy

Some people have the problem of not being able to look others in the eye because they are not used to it. If you are one of those people, then just look at, what we call, the positive area of eye contact, which is represented by the triangle in the picture below.

If you look anywhere in this area, the other person will think that you looking into his eyes even if you're looking at his nose. Smiling

Eye Contact :~ Been thinking a lot lately about relationships and what makes them work well or, in other words, what is a “well designed” relationship.

Eye Contact

People who look others directly in the eye, without flinching, and enable you to feel that you are in that moment being seen and listened to are keen. I was reminded of this likable trait by something I heard today. And since I've been doing a lot of thinking about people lately, what with refreshing summer gatherings, both business and social rendezvous, I was struck by this comment — direct eye contact is a great thing. As much as we need each other, we are often scared and uncertain and avoid this simple unspoken means of communication. Go for it.

How to use body language to know if someone is interested in you?

Now, after you've had an idea of all the important concepts, you can use them all together to know if someone is interested in you. If you find someone to be leaving small private distance between you and him, properly oriented and establishing good eye contact, then that means that he is interested in the conversation. But, if the person leaves a bigger distance, is not oriented properly and lacks positive eye contact, he may not be interested or in good intentions, just in a hurry. In addition to all the negative signs, if he is taking a defensive position , then he's reinforcing the idea that he may not be very enthusiastic about continuing the conversation to the end.

Another useful use of the state of interest postures is that you can easily use them to differentiate between close friends and people whom you've just known for a few days or so.

Orientation/Zero angle: Orienting himself/herself in your direction even if they were standing with other people. Orienting themselves means that they stand with their shoulders parallel to yours and with their toes pointing towards you.

The shocking result was that people build their impressions of you based on:

  • 55 percent body form, postures and movements.
  • 38 percent on the tone of your voice (tempo and frequency).
  • Only 7 percent on what you say.

That makes a total of 93 percent for body language(which comprises Bodily gestures and voice tones) and only 7 percent for speech. This means that 93 percent of what you want to say is not uttered in words but emitted from your body language and postures.

Positively evaluating a situation:-

Suppose you're late for a meeting and you're sure that your boss will yell at you, imagine you finding out that the meeting's been canceled as soon as you get there. What will you be thinking of then? "Wow, that's great!!".

That is called a positive evaluation; it happens when you consider an event to be positive like for example when you see someone you love or when you get high grades. In general, it happens whenever you think something to be a positive thing.

The body form for positive evaluation in body language

Positive evaluation in body language can be associated with any of the two below postures (see pictures). Rubbing your eyebrows smoothly or adjusting your eyeglasses indicates the presence of the feeling. What's funny is that some people actually believe that they're really just adjusting their eyeglasses; in fact, in every 1000 times they do that, 999 times of those are a result of them positively evaluating something, while only one of them is to really adjust their glasses.

Positive evaluation and attractiveness

When someone finds you attractive, he may take the "positive evaluation" body form. There are a few body language tips that can make you become more attractive.In body language rubbing your brows with your fingers means that you positively evaluated something.

I don't want anything in particular:
Calling you for any trivial reason like asking about something that he/she already knows or by just seeking confirmation to some kind of information. If they were smart enough, they may find a good reason to call you but when the frequency of these calls increases, this usually indicates that there is something behind it.

Why am i happy?:
Smiling while talking to you even if there was no good reason for smiling is another strong sign. In most cases he/she will try to hide the smile so they will appear as if they want to smile but are holding themselves

Smiles that Don’t Fade:
A smile will not fade away quickly if the person isgenuinely interested in you (that does not have to be love but worst case scenario, it will be deep interest). Only fake smiles fade away quickly, true smiles stay tend to linger a little longer.

Nice or Cold?
Being very nice one day and ignoring you the other day is one of the strongest sings. The logic behind this is very simple, at the beginning the person treats you very nicely because he likes you but when he goes home he realizes that he has done too much effort without receiving a response. This person might say to himself "Oh my God, I did show lots of signs today that shows that i am interested but I still got no response, tomorrow I should totally ignore her". So when you find someone being nice one day and cold the other day know that the positive signs he gave you are sourced from the positive emotions he has for you and that the negative signs may just be a way to cover his traces.

Mr./Mrs. Everywhere:
Meeting him/her many times by coincidence is another sign. Of course these are not just coincidences but they may be either changing their schedule to suit yours or they may be going to the places that you usually go to in order to meet you by coincidence.

Your Friends Are Really Nice:
Starting to care more about your friends and becoming more nice to them is a strong sign especially if he/she wasn’t used to caring about them before.

canceling their other plans in order to see you.

Where Are You?
Finally the person who loves you will try to keep you within their range of sight and each now and then they will take a look to make sure that you are still there. This sign can work the other way too, if you kept looking someone in the eye for extended periods of time you might let him fall in love with you.If you managed to force the release of these hormones in someone's body then he might be fooled into thinking that he actually loves you.

Signs that Show if Someone Is in Love with Someone Else:-

Identifying with the person:Phrases like “Hey, you know what? Your personality is very close to mine”, “Me too!! I adore orange juice” or "Sarah and I both hate physics" are perfect examples of someone who is trying to identify with someone else. Usually when someone falls in love, he tries to identify with the person he loves and this can be noticed by paying close attention to the phrases that he/she is using. This sign also works the other way around, by identifying with a person his subconscious mind will start to perceive you as a potential partner and he might fall in love with you.
Watch for the eyebrow: In Body Language, touching your eye brow with one finger then passing your finger along it to the side has no other meaning other than that you have evaluated something positively. If a person always sees someone in a positive light, you'll be able to know by watching his body language.

Looking for any excuse to talk about him/her: When someone falls in love with someone else, he/she usually feels eager to talk about that person and so tries to find any excuse to mention the person's name in front of others even if the excuse was making fun of him!!! For example: “you know, I think Sarah is really weird..”

Frequency of moving her hair: When a girl moves her hair backwards using one hand so that she reveals her ear, this usually means that she is interested in the person she is talking/listening to. If this is repeated several times while talking to a specific person, this could mean she is extremely interested in him or, in other words, she is in love with him.

Being anxious when being with him/her: Almost everyone cares very much about the impression that the person he loves forms of them and as a result they tend to be very anxious in the presence of that person, especially on first meetings. So you may be asking yourself, how do you know if he/she is anxious?

Minding his own business
“You know what, I think you'd look really good wearing a red shirt.” The previous phrase is a perfect example of a girl who is in love with a guy. Although there was no reason for her to talk about his dressing style, she just couldn’t resist the urge to make him look better, and this goes for any types of advice that may improve anything in his life.

Do you notice how you behave right after you meet the person you love? If the meeting went well then you'll most probably notice that you have become hyperactive; doing things that you usually don’t do and saying things that you usually don’t say. This hyper-activity can be a very good indication of whether someone is in love with someone else or not.

Body Language: In state of flirting

Researches have found that there is a direct relation between the states of feeling that we experience and our gestures. So if you are happy, your gestures will take a form that is different than the form it will take if you were feeling sad. So if you managed to know the gesture associated with a certain emotional state, you will be able to detect the presence of this emotional state. The same goes for flirting because it’s just an emotional state, if you know the body posture and the body language changes associated with the state of flirting you will easily know if someone is trying to flirt with you.

Flirting Signs and Gestures

Whether you've found them strange or not, whether you've believed in them or not, they're still signs of flirting. These signs are neither subject to suspect nor do they represent my opinion about flirting; they are proven facts. I am not asking you to believe in them without testing them; all I'm asking is that you test them and see for yourself.

  • Pupil size: When someone sees something or someone that he likes, his pupil size gets bigger!! I know that this is a bit hard to notice, but with training you will be able to detect these slight changes in the pupil size and so know if someone likes seeing you.
  • Playing with her hair : This sign is only associated with girls. When a girl wants to flirt with someone or when she finds him particularly interesting, she may start to play with her hair, twist it and flicker it. This could happen once or several times during the conversation; the more she does, the better!!
  • Pointing towards you with his toes or feet: If he isn't sitting right next to you, then he'll have his feet or toes point directly towards you; it's even better when he sits with his body totally facing you.
  • Seeing his/her teeth through the smile: A smile should be wide enough to reveal at least the front teeth, otherwise it may be a fake smile, or a polite smile that has nothing to do with you.
  • Keeping you in his/her line of sight: The person who is flirting with you will try to keep you in his line of sight. As a result, you may find him taking a look at you every now and then or you may find him continuously orienting himself to be facing you even if he is standing with someone else.
  • Clothing: A girl will generally dress to kill upon the possibility of you being there. You could ask her about her favorite colors, and observe whether she wears them a lot when you're around or not.

Body language: In state of anxiousness:

If you've tried taking notice of how behave usually behave as they wait for their turn at the dentist's office, or as they wait for their end of year exams, then you're probably familiar with some body language anxiety signs.

Anxiety is one of the body's language that can not be identified by one gesture or the other; you have to combine more than one signal to know whether that person's anxious or not. The presence of three or more signs of the below shows that this person is anxious:

  • Finger-nail biting
  • Fidgeting (frequent change of position while you're sitting, unable to settle down)
  • Tapping your heel on the floor repeatedly in a nervous manner.
  • Tapping your fingers and/or hand on your lap.
  • Sweating
  • Jiggling what ever's in your pocket
  • Whistling

~:Body Language: In state of confidence:~

  • state of confidence :-

The state of confidence is one of the easiest states to recognize. The following postures signal a confident person:
  • When you see someone standing with his hands behind his back, as shown in the picture below, then know that he probably is feeling confident. He may be feeling confident because he is a confident person or because he believes he’s on top of matters in a current situation. Maybe the people he’s talking with are talking about a topic he’s well-familiar with. They could be talking about unemployment for example when he’s already got a well-paid jobs.
  • There is another posture that identifies a confident person, which is the clasping of the hands in front of the stomach (not shown in pictures). This one is more popular and is usually seen on television when the president of a country is standing.Usually, strangers take the defensive posture while maintaining a bigger private distance than they normally do. Don't rely on the defensive posture alone; make sure both clues exist.

  • A third gesture that shows confidence is when finger tips touch each other (see the picture below). A person may take this posture when confident about what he has to say or when he’s talking about something he deeply believes in.
  • The third picture shows the superiority position; the person takes this posture when he feels superior or overconfident. You can call this the state of over confidence or superiority. For example, when someone finishes a hard task or completes an exam, you may find him taking the superiority body posture. The Superiority posture may not be a polite form to take in a public meeting or when in the company of strangers.

  • A confident person generally stands upright
  • He stands with both legs firmly planted on the ground and rarely crosses them.
  • He walks with wide steps because he is not afraid to encounter new situations. This may sound far from logic but its how the Subconscious mind thinks.
  • He doesn't panic when he makes mistakes because he knows that making mistakes is part of the human nature

~:Reading body language: being offended:~

When someone becomes offended he takes on the most well-known body forms; the form that the body takes or associates in that kind of state is the same one used for the defensive position which constructs of having the arms crossed (sometimes it's accompanied by crossed legs too). You may have grown offended by something that someone said, something that didn’t really appeal to you for example.

How to Deal With a person taking the defensive position

  • If you are in a negotiation with someone, and he takes defensive position, then know that he didn't like what you had to say.
  • If you criticize someone who later takes the defensive position, make sure to apologize to him because he has been offended.
  • If you are a sales person and you're talking to a customer about a product's price and then he takes the defensive position, be flexible and talk about something else other than the price because it's obvious that he didn't like what you said.
  • Always use your mind to determine whether the defensive position was taken because the person was offended or for any other reason like that of felling uncomfortable or cold.

~:Body Language: In state of evaluation:~

Body Language & Thinking:-

When you start evaluating something or thinking about it, you’ll most probably be finding yourself taking the posture shown in the picture below. What's good about this posture is that it’s unique for only this situation; if you happen to see someone with the following posture then be 100% sure that they’re in the process of evaluating something.

~:Body language: Upon negatively evaluating a situation.:~

Reading body language, Negative Evaluation of a situation

Imagine you coming home after a long busy day at work and being very thirsty. You open the refrigerator hoping to find something to drink but unfortunately you find nothing. At this point, you're most likely to develop very negative feelings towards the situation. Take this for another negative situation, suppose that you have an appointment for an apartment or a job interview and you're already running late, you then find out that you've got to head back to the house because you've forgotten your car keys. In both of these situations, your body is most likely to taken the following forms,

What happens when you negatively evaluate a situation?

When a negative situation happens, the blood capillaries in your nose contract and you, thus, feel like scratching it, which in term results in the form shown in the picture below. This body shape is one of the most popular forms in body language because of the many negative situations we encounter in our lives.

A lot of people, upon seeing the picture below, will think they've never looked like that. The truth is that they looked exactly like that hundreds of times, but, since it wasn't anything relevant to the subconscious mind, it was always discarded. Now that people are aware of the body form, it becomes relevant and they start taking notice of it.

~:Body language: State of frustration:~

Body language: State of frustration

Being frustrated is being unable to do something that you want to do badly. Suppose you have lots of work to do but don't have enough time, or suppose you have piles of work to finish but haven’t started working on them yet; you'll probably end up feeling frustrated. In body language, when people grow frustrated, they take the body form shown in the picture below. Scratching the back of your head or rubbing your neck from behind, as in the picture below, is a clear sign of frustration.

~:Body language: In state of boredom:~

Reading body language: boredom

When someone feels bored, he usually doesn't keep up the eye contact with the person he's talking to and may start searching for anything around to play with as shown in the picture. Someone who is bored may also start moving his foot up and down repeatedly in a nervous manner.

If you are talking to someone and suddenly find him doing any of these moves, then try to change the subject or to add more humor to what are you saying.

~:Body language: In state of lying:~

Reading Body language: In state of lying

Just like any other emotional state, lying brings about some changes to your body form and posture. If you are familiar with these postures, you will be able to detect liars right away.

When it comes to detecting a liar via body language, your task may be a little bit difficult than when trying to detect other states. Basically, there are two methods to detect liars; the first one is not that accurate but is rather simple. The second one needs a little bit of extra effort but is much more accurate. The first is based on body language while the second is based on NLP's Eye Accessing Cues. By combining both methods, you'll be able to spot liars easily. Read further to know more about both.

Detecting a liar using body language

Let's start with the simple method. There are a lot of noticeable signs that can be detected when someone lies. If you take noticing of two or more of these signs, then that means that the person is possibly lying. Noticing more than three will raise the accuracy of your lying detection process and so on. Remember, one sign is never enough! The signs you will be looking for are:

  • If the target person is not used to lying or if his values and beliefs make him perceive lying as immoral then: when telling the lie, he will be negatively evaluating what he is saying and will thus be taking up one of the -ve evaluation postures (touching nose or ears). Negative evaluation Postures, in body language, are taken when someone considers something to be negative. In this case, he doesn't like the fact that he is lying and will thus be adopting the negative evaluation body posture. Note that this only happens with people who consider lying a bad thing; not with everyone.
  • Eye contact very much weakens when someone is lying: while telling a lie, the person may keep on looking at other stuff around him.
  • Palms are rarely visible when someone is lying: Being comfortable with showing your palms is a sing of honesty and truthfulness; people who lie usually either put their palms down or keep their hands in their pockets. See the pictures below illustrating the differences between someone who is lying and someone who is telling the truth
  • The back is rarely kept up straight, and the posture is rarely upright when someone is lying (unless he is proud of lying. )

~:Leaving a Positive Impression:~

Leaving a positive impression

If you succeeded in leaving a positive 1st impression your chance of getting a job will become higher, your social relations will improve and people will admire you.

I avoid using vague advices like “Be confident” or “Be a good listener” and these commonly heard phrases but instead i use will effective and practical advices that are backed by Deep psychological principles. If you followed these advices the first impression you will leave will be positive 99% of the time.

I didn’t say 100% of the time because sometimes the impression people form of you depends on their own past experience. For example if you saw someone who looks just like your arrogant boss you will tend to think of him as arrogant even if he was not.

The Psychology of Impression Formation

A person takes about 5 to 10 seconds to form an impression of someone else And then he uses the other 5-10 minutes to confirm his judgment. So if you made a good use of the first five seconds then your chance of leaving a positive impression will become much higher. I know you may be thinking that 5 or 10 seconds is a very short period of time and that nothing much can be done in them but if you read the following section you will discover that lots of things take place in these five seconds but you never used to focus on them.

How to Leave a Positive Impression

  • The first thing you can do is proper eye contact. Proper Eye contact shows respect,interest and that you are not shy. Proper eye contact means that the eye contact should be around 70% to 80% of the time.
  • Another thing that happens in the first few seconds is the handshake, a firm handshake combined with proper eye contact leaves the impression that you are a confident person. people who don't shake hands in a firm way will most likely leave the impression that they are not confident.
  • If you did the previous two points you will appear to be confident but in the same time you may appear to be a little cold and that’s why you need to add a smile on your face. This smile will not only make the other person think that you have got a sense of humor but he will also feel more comfortable in dealing with you
  • Sit with your back straight and your shoulders stretched. A straight back leaves the impression that you are confident happy or interested in what you are listening to. Never ever cross your legs or fold your arms, when sitting because this leaves the impression that you are not that comfortable or even afraid. Don't place an object like a bag or a file between you and the interviewer because this leaves the same impression that folding your arms leaves
  • if you felt like scratching your nose do not do it because this shows that you are -ve evaluating something, after all your emotions are private and you shouldn't let anyone know what are you thinking about unless you want that
  • If you can wear blue clothes then do it, in the psychology of colors blue gives the impression of loyalty and honesty, wearing blue will leave an unconscious impression in the mind of other people that you are loyal and honest.

NLP, eye accessing cues

  • upper left ,visual construction (VC) : the person looking into that direction is constructing the image of a visual scene, the person's eye could go to this direction when asked about the color of his dream car
  • upper right , visual remembering (VR) : the person looking into that direction is remembering the image of a visual scene, that's the direction someone could look to when asked about the color of his car
  • middle left, auditory construction (AC) : the person looking into that direction is constructing a sound , that's the direction the person's eye could go to when asked a question like "what do you think he will tell you when you meet him tomorrow ?"
  • middle Right , auditory remembering (AR) : the person looking into that direction is remembering a sound , that's the direction the person's eye could go to when asked about what someone told him yesterday
  • lower left Kinesthetic (k) :this is the direction someone's eye go to when he is accessing his feelings, that's the direction his eyes could go to when asked somthing like "how did it feel to fail that exam?"
  • lower right ,auditory digital (AD) : this is the direction someone's eye go to when he is talking to himself.

~:Body Language; All About Handshakes:~

Handshakes and Body Language

Do you know how many seconds it takes a person to form an impression of you?

It usually takes the other person from 5 to 10 seconds to form an impression of you. I'm sure you are now wondering what is it you can do to leave a positive impression in this very short period of time!!
Actually, more than one thing takes place in this short period of time; as you may have already guessed one of these things is the handshake.

  • When you firmly hold the other person’s hand while handshaking them, his subconscious mind will think that you are stronger and more confident than him!!
  • by assuring that your handshake is firm, without extra unneeded pressure, you will be leaving the impression that you are more confident than he is.
  • Have you ever noticed how some people position their palms horizontally instead of vertically while shaking hands with their friends?
    We have two cases here; the first is when the palm is parallel and facing the floor while the second is when the palm is facing the sky. The first reflects the desire to dominate, while the other position represents a state of submission. The person who positions his palm so that it faces the ground while shaking hands will usually be doing so because of his unconscious desire to dominate the other person. On the other hands positioning the palm so that it faces the sky usually reflects the state of being submissive to the other person.
  • What if Someone Wants to Control Me?

    So what if someone tries to shake hands with me with his palms facing the ground?
    Simply hold his palm and firmly return it to the vertical position. By doing so, you are sending a small message to his subconscious mind that states: “Sorry, but I'm not the kind of person whom you can control”

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